My Best Friend's A Stalker
by hypercupcake74
Summary: This is about two NPC's (Non-Player Controlled.) I'm Linda, and my best friend's Lizzie. The title should tell you enough about her. We were removed from the game for obvious reasons. Thanks, 'friend'. Maybe you'll find the situation funny, or even amusing. So I'll let you laugh at my suffering, and the actions of my friend.
1. The start of the disaster

Alright, let me explain everything to you right now.  
My best friend is a stalker and a bit creepy at that. Or, as she likes to call it: "Giving a guy a nickname." Sure, right. Let's call her Elizabeth, or Lizzie for short. Me and her, used to be NPC's in the game along with our friends. We were removed from the game for obvious reasons. Thanks, 'friend'. Who knows, maybe you wil find the whole situation amusing. I don't. Another thing is that there isn't much action in this story. Unless you count me tackling Lizzie to the ground. Before I bore you, let's start.

My friend was always the strangest in the group, but she was the closest one to me.  
She named her remlit Cupcake. For what reason, I don't know. But she loves that remlit to bits. I remember how it tried to attack her one night. I insisted that she get rid of it, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She brought her remlit everywhere, she always had a place in her heart for cute things. This meant, whenever Cupcake attacked, she would push me down and run.  
"So long Linda!" She would scream, then run laughing crazily.  
I would be stuck there, trying to defend myself. "Idiot! You Idiot! Heeeellllp! Heeeeelllp!"  
She would continue to laugh while running. "You're on your own sucker!"  
"I freaking hate you! I'll kill you Lizzie!" But I never did. Why, oh why?

We were walking when there was Link. He ran for no apparent reason, jumped, grabbed a remlit, dropped it a couple of times, and gave it to Horwell. That's when everything went wrong. I really regret this, and it's a bit embarrassing for me to say. I pointed out that Link looked like the guy from the movie Lizzie loved so much. I was right, she insisted that we walk past him again. Me, finding it amusing and thinking things couldn't go too bad, obliged. Biggest mistake I ever made. Ever since, she's been calling him 'Linky.' Who even does that? It's a really stupid nickname.  
I pointed out that he had interest in Zelda, not her. She hates Zelda now. That was my cue to shut up.

I think the first thing she done was start calling him that weird nickname all the time.  
"Hiiii Liiiiinkyyyyyy." She would say. It's funny because of my reaction, she would say. It was awful.  
It went on like that for a while, until he finally said 'Hi' back. Why, oh why did he do that?  
She screamed, really loudly. I thought my ears were going to bleed, but they didn't. Thank. God.  
He just looked at us like we were crazy and walked away. I was somewhat relieved. I shouldn't have been. That's where my life ended.

I saw Link, he looked like he was in a hurry. Of course, he pressed the 'A' button, so I had to chat him up. It's an NPC thing.  
"Hey Link, what's up?"

_"The Wing Ceremony is about to start."  
"Zelda pushed me and I almost died."  
"I don't need to tell you anything, creepy stalker chick." _

He scrolled through the options, and ended up with the stalker chick answer.  
"Weren't you the one that talked to me in the first place? You even had to call me a stalker... You're so full of yourself."

He then left, and did the same thing again. The only difference was that he chose the middle option.  
I already knew that, but I had to play along.  
"What?" I practically screamed, in over-exaggerated shock.  
Link explained the situation, so I paused, thinking about an answer.  
"Good to know you are alright. Well, you better finish that task the headmaster sent you on."

For some reason, despite the important task at hand, he ran around talking to people, then talked to me. Again.  
Finally, he chose the first option.  
"Oh, I almost forgot! I'll have to head over. Thanks Link!" I cheered and started to run. I actually was grateful, I completely forgot.  
Eventually I made it to the wing ceremony. Of course Lizzie and my friends were there.  
"Hi Lizzie, Jessica, Saya." I greeted.  
"Hiya!" Lizzie greeted back. "We need a Link cheer. L-I-N-K this is our Link cheer!" She chanted.  
"We?" I questioned. "Why would I ever want to do that? Ever? It's creepy! No! No! No! Nooo!" I panicked.  
Lizzie just laughed at me, along with all my other friends.  
That was when the second worst thing ever happened.  
She made up a list of 'eight things.' That she would tease me about.  
They were the most disturbing things I have ever heard. They gave me nightmares.  
I'm not telling you about it.  
No way. Not happening. At least, not this chapter. She's bothering me again, pressing random keys on my keyboard to mess me up.

"I wrote this when you weren't looking -Lizzie"  
"hiuafijfiefshkuewloaop; - Lizzie"


	2. Link, You Idiot

Okay, last time we left off at Lizzie screwing around with my keyboard. Right? Right.  
Me and my friends were talking as usual. It was nothing important, we just talked about random things. Everything was normal, and I was sane. How I miss those kind of conversations. I remember bringing some pots for my friends, I worked hours making them. I can still remember the hours I put into carefully sculpting them. I made sure to carefully paint them, to my friend's preferences. Lizzie's was adorned with adorable remlits in a simple style. The eyes were larger than reality and shiny. Saya's was the most artistic and creative, adorned with green. Jessica had a complex but beautiful style, I spent the most time on hers.  
"This is so pretty! You must have spent forever making them." Saya remarked.  
"Aww! Mine is adorable! I love it!" Lizzie fauned.  
"Thanks Linda. This is awesome." Jessica smiled.  
It's one of the few moments I felt happy. We put them aside, they were fairly large and would be a pain to carry.  
Guess who was the fucker that smashed them. That's right, Link. Although everyone seemed upset to some extent, they laughed it off.  
Me? Well... I hid in a small corner, whimpering. "Why god, why?" I sobbed.  
My 'supportive' friends tried to comfort me when they weren't giggling. Jessica was laughing so much, you don't even know. Lizzie was giggling the whole time, too much to comfort me at the time. Saya was giggling too, only she tried to comfort me.  
"It's, haha, I-It's okay. We can make more of those." She laughed uncontrollably after that.  
I should've saw that coming, Link always had a bad habit of breaking pots. Why, I don't know. I just knew that he liked to break pots. Even if they didn't belong to him. Even if he didn't have permission, he broke them.

(flashback.)  
I remember when I asked Link to get me some bread as a favour. I was going to make dinner to celebrate someone's birthday. When Link came back with the bread I thanked him. He didn't leave, but I didn't mind it. I just told him not to break the pots. Guess what he did. Yup, he broke them. That troll.  
(flashback over.)

"Why...? Why would Link do that...?" I whimpered. Of course, I had to go ask him. It was illogical, but I wanted to know.  
"Link. You broke the pots I worked days on to make." I started, at this moment in time, I was stuck between saying.

A: Do you hate me? Did I do something wrong?  
B: Please, don't do that again.  
or...  
C: Fuck you.

Of course, this being nintendo, I couldn't choose C.  
Instead, I completed the sentence with A. Link shook his head, and just replied with an explanation of his rough day. He suddenly had my attention, I totally forgot about what happened when I walked past him before.

(flashback... again.)  
While I was getting ready for the wing ceremony, I was looking for Link's loftwing. Lizzie, stop glaring at me like that. I have no feelings for him, I just feel guilty that your stalking him. That's all, the poor guy needs a break. Anyways, I was walking, when I saw that fat oaf, Groose. I know it's bad to eavesdrop, but I really hate him. So I listened, and heard he kidnapped Link's loftwing. Of course, I got pissed. So I made sure to lecture him. You guys played the game, right? You know that Link overheard, got mad at Groose, and Zelda lectured the creep too. Way to go Zelda. I apologized for not being able to find link's loftwing, but insisted to continue searching. After the conversation, for reasons beyond me, Link jumped off the cliff. Then he ran around in circles, and jumped off again, and again. Game Over. Link you idiot. The game just started, and you committed suicide. Multiple times. I don't know how your going to beat the game at this rate.  
(flashback over, again.)

I simply nodded, and apologized. He was all like 'It's cool bro, it's cool.' He stared at the save statue for a moment.  
"I don't need to save." He commented, and walked off. He opened a chest super dramatically. There was one rupee inside it, and he still acted like it was a big deal. Then he smashed barrels, he acted like barrels were his sworn enemy or something. Dear god.  
When I walked back to my friends, they were laughing way too much. I just stood there awkwardly.  
While I was watching the race anxiously, the comment Link said rang in my mind.  
"I don't need to save." Guess who died.  
Well, the game restarted, and he won. He was grinning at the statue he won for quite a while. So long, he flew into something and died. That HAD to be a glitch.  
Needless to say, he won the third time.

Well, I wasn't in the goddess scene, but I still knew what happened. How, I don't know. It just happens, NPC's know these things.  
Link had to jump off of the statue, he failed and missed. It was so terribly off I don't even know how he managed that.  
Second time, he forgot to open the sailcloth. He died.  
Third time, he missed and fell to his doom.  
Fourth, he missed but remembered to call his loftwing.  
How does someone mess up so many times?  
I don't need to tell you how mad Lizzie was when Zelda asked to go flying around the clouds.  
She was even more pissed when Link said yes.

"Link! You cheater! I hate you! MYEHMYEHMYEHNEINEINNIENBUIAUBIGRAU!" She screamed, while running around flailing her arms.  
"I forgive you." She told him, even though he wasn't listening. I mean, she wasn't even in the scene.  
She laughed like a maniac once Zelda went missing.  
I asked her how many creepy things she could say, sarcastically.  
She responded with eight.

1. I got married to Link  
2. I got married to Link and that guy from the movie attended the wedding.  
3. I- urruiiuagioagiuragiragirug  
Lizzie-  
buviruiveubarabivua  
What are you doing?  
uireohvuioejewhi2h89t2gfeauife  
LIZZIE  
y89rq3yefhiur3iuyrakj  
STAHP!

Number three was: I-vruvbruiobvruyaov  
Ahem. I-huveirviruoabviruavbira  
Dear god Lizzie.

Hehe... I wonder how much I can type up when Linda's not looking.  
Link's hot.  
Remlit is SO CUTE!  
Hehehehe... Remlit... My... PrEcIoUs...  
i ate lots of skittles and now I'm hyper. :D  
Hey Look Listen Hey Look Hey Hey Hey Look Listen Hey LISTEN Hey Look Watch Out  
- Linda.

DEAR GOD. I turn my back for five seconds. Now most of the page is a mess. You even had to sign it with my name.  
I'm going to end this chapter before Lizzie screws it up even more. She's laughing her head off right now.


	3. I hate you Lizzie

First thing I should tell you is that Lizzie isn't exactly elated that I'm telling you all this.  
Yet, she decided to be a good sport (and a amazing, beautiful, gorgeous, epic goddess.) and allowed me to tell you these stories.  
Second, Lizzie was the one writing in the brackets, complementing herself (because she deserves it.).  
She's still doing it.

( Lizzie is awesome, beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, epic, intelligent, a goddess, angel, genius, better than Linda-)  
What did you just type? OH HELL NO.  
(Trolololololololol.)  
Damn you Lizzie!

Now that I'm back, you should know I shoved Lizzie to the ground, grabbed my laptop and ran to finish the story.  
Oh snap- she's coming. I'll update you on the 8 things if I can.

3. Me and Linky went to bed together. (Lizzie the oh so amazing goddess, said this implying something dirty. In actuality, we were having a pillow fight.)  
4. Me and that guy from the movie went to bed together. (Lol, this pretty much means what it implies.)

Dear god Lizzie, stop screwing everything I try to write up.  
(No! They told me I could never teach a Linda how to drive! No Linda! Nooo!  
Linda: I hate you Lizzie! *falls off cliff*  
Brofist to whomever gets this reference.)

Well, by now the nintendo crew came to their senses and realized that we should not stay in the game. (I'm fabulous! How dare they get rid of me!)  
Thanks 'friend.'  
So, perhaps I should go tell you about my 'supportive' friends. This is how they 'comforted' and 'helped' me. If you could hear me right now, you would notice how I'm sarcastically saying these words. Anyways, I'll write those awful moments down before Lizzie creates another one. (It's funny Linda.)  
Of course, this happened in school. We were off flying our loftwings, while Link was day dreaming while soaring. Yes, my friend stalked him even before I pointed out the guy from the movie. Yes, that only made things worse. Stop rubbing it in. My friends all circled around him on their loftwings, unable to stop giggling.  
"Hi Linky." Lizzie greeted, in her usual creepy way. Everyone else giggled and smiled.  
"You guys look like rapists." I commented. In my defense, they totally did look like that. (*dies of laughter*)  
Link, obviously creeped out, flew away without a word. Everyone else couldn't stop laughing. At that point, I felt guilty. I made the situation more awkward than it had to be.  
(You should be ashamed! You disgrace!)  
I'm sorry, Link. I'm really, really sorry. But I never gathered enough courage to say that to him. So, I stayed the bystander in this tragedy.  
Thank god the bell rang. It was almost on cue, the timing was perfect. I excitedly ran back to class, when I noticed a huge crowd trying to shove themselves through the school doors.  
"Hi Linky!" She called loudly.  
Guess who went home for lunch.  
Yes, it was Link. Unfortunately he had to come back to school. Just to complete the last two classes.  
I swear, misfortune has targeted me for the day. I was elated, I just got the best idea for my art project. It would get me an A for sure. As I cheered and ran to retrieve my notebook, Link startled me so bad I forgot my great idea. A curse escaped my mouth.  
He looked at me in disgust and walked off without a word. At that point I was practically hiding in a small corner, bawling my eyes out.  
He was mad at me, I just knew it. What else would cause him to give me such a glare? (Maybe he was just jealous of how close you were to me! A beautiful, amazing goddess.)

I think it was a week or so for me to calm down.  
Lizzie ruined that quickly, as she always does. Quite loudly she screamed his nickname across the school. That moment seemed to go on forever.  
"Lizzie." I started. "I'm embarrassed to be seen in public with you."  
"Hey look everyone! I'm here with Linda!" She teasingly shouted.  
"I hate you." ( I hate you too. JK)  
She and Jessica just laughed it off.  
In class the teacher had to go retrieve more paper so the class was left to run wild. Lizzie started laughing for no reason. Curiosity got the better of me, I asked her what she was thinking.  
"I imagined me and Linky frolicking through flowers." She giggled. (*Comes back to life, just to die of laughter again.*)  
"He's right behind you." I informed her, muttering.  
Of course, Link stared at her shock all over his face. As always, obviously creeped out. (Oh god why.)

I hate you Lizzie. I really do, and I'm ending this chapter.


	4. Revenge, I guess

"Lizzie." I barely muttered. "Please, for the love of god. Shut. Up." Yes, she was teasing me about Link again. Yes, I'm annoyed beyond belief. The worst part is, her teasing doesn't even make any sense. It's just saying Link's nickname followed by laughter.  
I like to think that If me and Lizzie were still in the video game, Link would tell her to stop stalking her. However he did not. So, I will dream. Please, don't crush my dreams.  
Of course, today was a good day. It was an almost normal day. I was walking to school as usual, down my usual path. It was a beautiful morning. The loftwing's were in the sky, sun was high, blue sky. It was magical, until Link walked by. It pretty much ruined the whole day for me, at least Lizzie wasn't there.  
"Hey, Linda." Lizzie greeted. She was not hyper that day. Thank god. I knew hiding all her sugar was a good idea.  
"Hey Lizzie. What's up?"  
"The sky, the clouds, the sun." She replied.  
"Oh god."  
We were supposed to Dance that day, to celebrate a holiday. We were supposed to present it in front of the entire class, we did. For once in my life, Lizzie was not the one that screwed things up. I did, for her. For the rest of us it was pretty amusing. Revenge is sweet, even when it's accidental.  
We had a dress rehearsal. Jessica brought in an adorable speaker that looked like a dog.  
"Aww!" Lizzie commented.  
"It's so cute, but it's pink." I remarked. Pink is my least favorite color. I don't know why.  
"So cute! Myeh Myeh Myeh!" Lizzie remarked, holding the speaker.  
"Your going to rip Wowo's head off!" Jessica fretted.  
"You named it Wowo?" I questioned.  
"Yeah, it means dog." She replied.  
The dance was for all four of us to dance, Saya and Jessica to run backstage, grab ribbons and create a big finale.  
When the two were running backstage me and Lizzie were to preform a duo. Oops.  
The first time I got it right, when we weren't preforming. Not so much when we actually were preforming.  
I forgot what I was supposed to do, when I saw Jessica run backstage, I followed leaving Lizzie all by herself. She was stuck there, dancing, like an idiot. No one in the group notice except for her, but when I told them about it, they found it hilarious. Lizzie didn't find it as amusing.  
I remembered to apologize multiple times after that, while suppressing laughter.  
I went home for lunch, in an awfully good mood. I sat on the porch and enjoyed a nice cup of tea. Glancing at my clock, I realized it was time to go back to school. Lazily, I got up and walked out the door. Only to see Lizzie, being pissed off, with Saya spinning around in the background.  
"La la la la la!" Saya yelled while spinning.  
"Linda, you forgot to lend me your pencil sharpener." She informed.  
"Oh, sorry." I retraced my steps and grabbed my pencil sharpener, handing it to Lizzie.  
"Huh, how do I sharpen this?" For some reason, she span the sharpener on top of her pencil. "La la la la!" She beamed in a sing song voice.  
"No, Lizzie, no. You sharpen it like this." I showed her how to properly sharpen a pencil.  
Lizzie paused for a few moments. "La la la la!" I facepalmed.  
Did Lizzie really come all this way just to annoy me with my own pencil sharpener? Oh god.  
"Where's Saya?" I asked, glancing around my house.  
I shouldn't have asked, Saya trampled over me then started to frolick, right off of skyloft. She found the sugar I hid from Lizzie, didn't she? I didn't dare disturb her, she called her loftwing and looked so cheerful.  
"Oh loftwing, how I missed you so!" She beamed, it was like little bubbles and sparkles were floating around her.

Day two, another weird day. I have come to the conclusion that there is no other kind of day.  
Me and Jessica were talking cheerfully as always.  
Saya was off with one of her friends, Lizzie was absent.  
I got bored, so I decided to tell a very curious person from my class (who I thought Lizzie was good friends with) the eight things.  
Turns out they aren't that close. At all. I screwed up again.  
Jessica decided to search the sky for a cloud that looked like a bunny. She ran around all of skyloft looking for that cloud. I finally caught up to her panting.  
"Jessica, why do you have to run so much?" I asked, exhausted.  
"Bunnies like to run."  
I had no reply to that. I would've said something, if Lizzie didn't run at me screaming like a maniac. Before I had time to respond, she hurled millions of water balloons at me.  
"This is what happens when you hide my sugar you disgrace!"  
I had no choice, okay? Don't blame me Lizzie. Last time you got high off of sugar, you ran around all of skyloft screaming "Help! My shadow is chasing me!"  
Besides, if I put it in my fridge, you would knock on my door and without even saying 'hello' just start eating. Well, now I know why she was absent. She was raiding my place for her sugar.  
Of course, I made sure she didn't know about me telling that curious person the eight things.

The third day, was awful.  
I was calmly writing up my test, confident I would get a good mark. Then, Link walked into my class. In depression, I hit my head onto my desk.  
"Why here?" I whimpered. "Why me? Why now?"  
He talked to my teacher for a few moments and left. That was longer then it needed to be.  
Once I finished my test, I was talking to the person who sat beside me, we're friends, I think. Apparently, Link think's I'm a stalker.  
How? Why? I don't even want to know how he came up with a conclusion like that.  
Honestly, what have I done so wrong to deserve a reputation like that?  
If I were to write any longer I'd burst into tears.  
I'm sorry, I'm ending the chapter here.  
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go lock myself in a dark room, whimpering in a small corner.


	5. Responding to Reviews

Lizzie: Today, I've decided to respond to the oh-so-wonderful review on Linda's story.  
Linda: I'm helping. Also, if any of you have a problem with us reading your review, we'll take it down A.S.A.P  
Lizzie: I don't see why anyone would have a problem with me, an all around perfect person, responding to them though.  
Linda: Right... Let's see, here's one!

" WHY HAVEN'T YOU MURDERED HER YET?! STAB HER UNTIL SHE BEGS FOR MERCY! DIE LIZZIE DIE! "

Lizzie: She's just jealous of my gorgeousness.  
Linda: I think she's pretty cool.  
Lizzie: ... *throws cupcake* Cupcake! I choose you!  
Linda: No! *falls down*  
Lizzie: *laughs*  
Linda: Help!  
Lizzie: *still laughing*  
Linda: *crawls away from Cupcake*  
Lizzie: Success! Good job Cupcake!  
Linda: ... I hate you.

"Awww! I feel so bad! Hopefully things will turn out better in the end!"

Linda: *moved to tears* Thank you! Finally, someone who cares! Best. Day. Ever.  
Lizzie: Oh no! Best day ever? I've got to fix that!  
Linda: What are you...?  
Lizzie: Jessica! Attack Linda! She said she hates bunnies!  
Jessica: What? How dare you! *transforms* Super ultra mega bunny attack! *Shoots adorable pink bubbly bunnies at Linda*  
Linda: No! *dies*  
Jessica: May the bunnies have mercy on your soul.  
Linda: *as a ghost* Jessica! How could you?  
Jessica: I'm still mad at your for being mean to the bunnies.  
Linda: FML...

"Whoa, I would've thrown myself off of Skyloft... Great job!"

Linda: Thank you very much. Sad thing is though... this stuff actually happened.  
Lizzie: I'll help you with the 'throwing yourself off of something' part!  
Linda: Say what?  
Lizzie: *shoves Linda off of Skyloft* *laughs evilly*  
Linda: Lizzie! *calls Loftwing* *Flies back* How could you?  
Lizzie: Like this! *shoves again*  
Linda: No, no, no, no, noooo! *falls* *calls Loftwing* *flies back*

"What's funny, is you tell me "I'm gonna put this is this chapter, and I still ROFLMAO. Maybe it's because I was sitting nect to Lizzie when all of this happened XD"

Linda: Your welcome.  
Lizzie: *glare of death*  
Linda: *cowers in a small dark corner*  
Saya: Where's my sugar?  
Linda: Oh god no.  
Saya: *attacks Linda*  
Lizzie: Saya! That's MY job!  
Linda: Saya? What are you doing? Saya! Stop!  
Jessica: *singing about bunnies in the background*

Link: *Looks creeped out*  
Link: ...  
Link: *Walks away and turns off computer*


End file.
